Build Your Own Arcade Controls Forum
Main => Everything Else => Topic started by: Howard_Casto on April 11, 2020, 11:37:43 pm
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Since I wrote that open letter to everyone several months ago I figured it was only fair to give you all an update on things. It's taken me all week to be calm enough to write this and unfortunately it looks like this is going to be posted right before Easter, so I'm sorry for that.
My grandmother's Dementia worsened over the past couple of months to where she couldn't even move or speak. She passed away Tuesday. She suffered a lot those last few days... it seemed like even touching her caused her pain, so it was time. I don't think there's such a thing as a good death in her condition, but it was as good as we could make it. She died in her own bed, at home, in my arms with mom holding her hand. I kept my promise and kept her out of a nursing home even though it about killed me and I took every opportunity to spend time with her when she was more at herself, so I have zero regrets.
For better or for worse, she's probably the reason I'm here on this forum. She bought me my NES. At the time I was a bit isolated from the other children, but that Nintendo lured them in. She realized this and made sure I always had some money when the weekend cam around to rent a game. She is also responsible for my love of arcade games. I was a sickly child so for several years in my life I had to get allergy shots every week. The place where I got them closed early so she had to get me out of school a few minutes early. The other kids picked on me because of this so she just decided to make it special for me. We'd go get my shot and then head to the local arcade to play. I think if a lot of us were honest with ourselves we'd realize that we got in this hobby not just for the games, but to try and recapture some sort of happy memory. For me it was spending time with her.
My feelings about her being gone are complicated. The thing is, people with Dementia don't get better and her mind was so far gone that for her to live in that state would have been cruel. I couldn't have taken care of her either. My back has been in almost constant pain for the last year or so from lifting her and as bad as it had been, she was like a rag doll that last month... I just couldn't do it much longer. So as cold-hearted as this sounds it was time. Mostly I'm just glad she isn't suffering anymore.
So this is going to be a period of transition for me. Having not worked for 10 years I am in the unenviable position of looking for a job during the worst recession in 40 years. So yeah, that'll be fun. I've got enough money squirreled away for a few months though, so I'll be ok. I've also got a lot of work to do. Mom wants me to take the house, so for now I'm going to try and live there. Honestly the past year or so I've been letting stuff go, so the house needs some tlc. The main thing is to try and get the smell out of the living room carpet from her cat and dog (both dead) peeing on it during their last days. It'll probably have to be ripped up and replaced, but I'm going to try and get Stanley Steamer in there after the lockdown. On the bight side the house is a lot bigger than my white trash trailer. Assuming I can get it livable, there should be plenty of room to have a proper arcade room. The main living room is frikkin huge as well... like I might need an 80 inch tv huge. Right now it feels weird being in there... it's like she's out somewhere and she'll be back any time. I keep turning corners expecting to run into her. I've lost people before though, so I know how this works. I've already started cleaning out the house.. it's like a band-aid, you have to get it over with or it'll be harder later, or at least that's how it works for me. It turns out the animal shelter will take a lot of her remaining meds and medical supplies and seeing as how she loved animals so much I figure she'd get a kick out of that. I think the woman had enough clothes to stock an entire goodwill... she didn't really throw stuff out.
So yeah that's where I'm at. I'm not sure what kind of a presence I'll be around these forums for a while. Obviously I'll still chat, but I'm not really working on any projects. I don't have the time and honestly I'm just not in the mood. Hopefully that will change. Sorry to be a Debbie downer around Easter.... I don't know I just felt like I needed to say something.
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My heart is with you, friend. I can't imagine how impossibly difficult things are for you right now, but I really wish you the best of luck with all the challenges going on. You know where we are when you need to chat. :cheers:
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I've not been around here for long, but definitely look up to ya as a fantastic contributor. Thanks for sharing the story and you'll be in the family prayers for Easter if that's a thing you're cool with.
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I know what you are going through Howard. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry for your loss. I admire your dedication to the ones you love.
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Just wanted to second what Mike said. My condolences for your loss, and I admire your courage and keeping your promise to care for grandmother. It takes a lot of strength to endure seeing a loved one slowly deteriorate, especially one that is close to you. My heart goes out to you and your fam.
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I sm sorry for your loss Howard, These things are never easy.
I know I have told you this before but you are a good man and your actions speak louder than any words.
I am sure you know that your grandmother loved you and would be tremendously proud of you even if she was unable to communicate it.
My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you the best in this difficult time.
Take care my friend and see you around.
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Sorry for your loss, Howard. Dementia is a terrible thing for all involved.
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I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. Sounds like you two had a truly special relationship. She took care of you during a rough time in your life and you reciprocated. We will keep you in our thoughts during this challenging time and will be here when you need a distraction. :)
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may God be with you in this hard times :cheers:
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I'm sorry to hear, Howard. I hope you find your peace in the memories.
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Sorry to hear of your loss Howard I know you sacrificed a huge chunk of your own life in order to take care of your grandmother. I hope you get some positive energy over the coming days, obviously plenty of that coming to you from your fellow BYOACers!
With regard to finding work, you're a clever dude, I think there will be opportunities for people with skills like yours post pandemic.
If you are busy with cleaning up your Grandma's place, well that’s a project, keep us updated with how that's going. :cheers:
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I'm sorry for your loss Howard.
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Thanks for the update. I'm sorry blah blah blah....
Replace the carpet, and maybe the subfloor.
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Sorry for your loss Howard and totally understand where you are coming from, she's in a better place now. Horrid disease :(. Unfortunately, Alzheimer and Dementia is something that affects many of us in some ways.
The best advice I could offer you after dealing with stress for such a long time is to remember to breath man. Obviously I don't mean just breath in and out but get outside, find a way to relax and give yourself time to heal and find some balance in everything that fills your day.
Best of luck with the house, fixing it up is also a good venue to honor her memory.