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Defender Thread (was 5/2/08: The Day I No Longer Suck!)

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TOK:

And I have sucked for a long time!

Since 1981 to be exact. The day I put 25 cents in a Defender machine and had my first guy obliterated before I reached 300 points. I think the whole game was just over by 1000 points and lasted less than a minute.

I tried and tried, but I just couldn't get good at Defender. Eventually, I gave up. Other games came easy, I could play Moon Patrol 40 minutes for the same quarter that bought me 5 minutes of Defender. So away Defender went. I always wanted to play, but never wanted the beatdown.

About a year later, I stumbled across another machine at Spaceport... Stargate. Defender with even more buttons.
I tried, I still sucked. Oh sure, I could fudge a game and get 40,000 or so by warping with 4 humanoids, but that was a ruse. The game still didn't last much longer. Stargate fell to Xevious, another game that I could play for 45 minutes on a quarter. When you have 3 bucks to last you all day, that kind of stuff matters.

When MAME came out, I was still haunted by Defender. Like a stalker that builds a shrine to a starlet that would never be nice to him, I built a shrine to Defender and Stargate, a bartop with a dedicated control panel. It didn't do much to lessen the cruelty.

Here is the way I always broke down Defender scores... I'm sure there are guys there that regularly get 50,000 on their first guy. Thats not me, so I grade on a curve:

0-30,000... The Rabble (aka me for 24 years).
30,000-99,000... Average
100,000 to 499,000... Good
500,000+ A God.

I've muddled in the Average range for over a year since building the bartop. Today was an ordinary day. I cut the grass then decided to play a game of Defender. I don't even have the cabinet in the house, its out on the garage workbench where it can't taunt me constantly.

I lost my first guy at 9250. The story of my life. Then something happened... I was getting 25,000 or 30,000 per guy.
When I hit 70,000, I knew I made the Top 10. This is a hiscore.dat file that has been on there since I build the cab. It basically represents my 10 luckiest breaks...

80,000.... 90,000... I started getting a little freaked out.
95,000 and no smart bombs! 98,000... Then I heard it!

wah-wah-Wah-Wah-WAH-WAH-WAH! The free man sound that liberated me. Yes, today, 27 years after I was first mauled by Defender I have graduated to a Good player. Sure, it's only Good by my calculations, but I'll take it.

I'll be in the garage having a beer if anyone wants to talk to a hero.  :laugh2:




Ginsu Victim:

Hard game. Good job.

FrizzleFried:


--- Quote from: TOK on May 02, 2008, 05:52:39 pm ---And I have sucked for a long time!

--- End quote ---

...that is far as I got...or want to get.  All I have to say is,  "WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT!"

 >:D

TOK:


--- Quote from: FrizzleFried on May 02, 2008, 05:57:26 pm ---
--- Quote from: TOK on May 02, 2008, 05:52:39 pm ---And I have sucked for a long time!

--- End quote ---

...that is far as I got...or want to get.  All I have to say is,  "WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT!"

 >:D

--- End quote ---

Your obvious bitterness cannot dilute my happiness, you, you... you Defender sucker-at'er.  ;)


TheShanMan:

It's great to read this. I have been in the same boat as you all these years - fascinated by it as a kid but quickly decided it wasn't worth my quarters. It's strange, but in a way it has been a favorite, yet I wouldn't hardly ever play it.

Then all these years I've used mame I still haven't played it because I didn't have "proper controls". Now that I have them, I've decided to start playing it until I'm "good" at it (my standards are definitely below yours at this point - I'd consider 30,000 to be good!) and as a matter of fact, I just got started yesterday! I'm not even close to breaking 10,000 yet, but that's because I'm in essence a Defender newbie.

Thanks for the extra motivation! (one day I can be like TOK ;))

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