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this really gets my goat (relationship).
ChadTower:
--- Quote from: shmokes on March 25, 2008, 09:07:00 pm ---OTOH, women are complex creatures. I've met plenty who deliberately do things to make their boyfriends jealous and are insulted if it doesn't work. So I dunno if inaction is always the best response. :dunno
--- End quote ---
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Half the girlfriends I had before my wife were like that. If things were going well they would intentionally sabotage that - the only way they saw me "proving my feelings" was to have a huge fight. That's not in my nature with women and it drove me ---goshdarn--- nuts. I'm all about stability in that relationship - the woman that creates drama in order to feel appreciated is definitely out there. I had one ex in particular that was really over the top about this - to this day I may be the only guy she has been with that didn't beat her, and [chris rock]while I would never condone doing it, I understand[/chris rock].
saint:
I couldn't disagree with you more. I won't bore anyone with my personal stories but my experiences are apparently different than yours.
--- Quote from: shardian on March 26, 2008, 07:46:20 am ---My thoughts on opposite sex friends while in a relationship:
Mutual friends are okay for the most part. Exclusive opposite sex friends, I really don't think they are a good idea in most cases if it can be avoided. Even if it is completely non-sexual in nature, it will cause unneeded stress on your relationship. Please note that my thoughts are only geared to very serious relationships, which it appears you are in.
And for those that say "I've been best friends with so and so since grade school", well ythen You should've been with that person anyways! Your significant other is darn right to be jealous/upset, because sooner or later that realization will come to you or the friend, and there will be a serious problem. There is not room for both your "Best friend/GF/Fiance/Wife" and "the other best friend."
Warning: Long winded H.S. sap story ahead!
I had best a friend that was a girl, her name was Kristin, thru middle school and high school. I was attracted to her - damn I idolized her. I never thought she was interested in me though, so I never pursued except for an awkward hand hold attempt in Alien Encounter at Disneyworld my soph. year. ;D She started dating another guy and killed that. I dated my future wife, Michelle, thru Junior / senior years, with a breakup mixed in junior year for good measure. During the breakup, I spent alot of time with Kristin. We sat together on the bus ride to Florida during the years band trip. It was then that I came to the realization that I no longer had any romantic feelings for her, and that she was a sister figure. Michelle was always VERY jealous of her, but mostly tried to keep it to herself. I kept in contact with Kristin thru college. Whenever we met up, there were hugs, chit chat, etc... for me only, as her and Michelle were never friends or acquaintances of any sort. Michelle would raise her concerns to me and I would blow them off, because I knew there was nothing there. We had fights over it off and on. I finally decided that the friendship wasn't worth the drama, so I kept out of touch with Kristin. Sure I arbored a bit of resentment, but I tried to see things from Michelle's point of view. Now that I look back, it is quite obvious that Michelle's concerns were quite justified.
Now that I am older/wiser and know the evil ways of women, I know for a fact that Kristin was interested in me - and more so after High School. It was never meant to work out though I suppose. I have no resentment at all, and know that I am with the person I am supposed to be with. I also know that if you are in a serious relationship and another girl is trying to be your friend and be in your life, 99% of the time it is involuntary bitchism causing her to just try and make your wife jealous and prove to herself that she can work her magic. Learn how to identify this behaviour, that way it does not cause you undue stress.
Long story short: You can't have both and be happy. If your significant other is acceptive of it, then she is either lying, or is cheating on you. ;D
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shmokes:
Same. I had three ex-girlfriends at my wedding reception. I haven't seen two of them since (over five years) and one of them had dinner with us the last time we were in San Francisco (though that's the only time I've seen her in the last five years).
It's completely unreasonable to suggest that your wife should have no contact with good friends on account of prior romantic involvement. The very unreasonableness of it turns something that should be completely innocent (keeping in touch with a good friend) into something sordid. Cos it's gonna happen. When she gets an email from him, she's not going to ignore it. Nor is she going to say, "I'm not allowed to have any contact with you anymore." She's just not going to tell you about it. You are just setting your relationship up for failure by creating unreasonable and arbitrary boundaries like that. They are lines that shouldn't matter when crossed, but do only because you have said so. So when you catch her emailing her friend, instead of it meaning nothing you say, "Hey . . . you're not allowed to do that." And now you're hurt and betrayed over something stupid.
Insisting that a person abandon important friends in order to be with you is unreasonable and selfish and hurtful and probably accomplishes exactly the opposite of what it is meant to accomplish.
ChadTower:
BTW, if you want this fixed, give us her email. We'll talk to her about it.
knave:
My wife asked me if it would bother me if she hung out with guy friends. She found a longtime platonic friend of hers online and wanted to know what I thought. (Damn myspace! LOL) I told her it would bother me a little but was ok as long as she realised that men do not hang out with women they do not want to sleep with.
It took me a while to convince her of this and I'm not sure she truly believes it but she gets the idea. This dude is after something even though there relationship has always been platonic and she has no interest in him.
It does bother me a bit but I'd rather be the cool husband than the jerk. I have to trust her either way. Regardless, I need her to know that it does bother me some so she knows that I care.
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