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Inspiration - Story of Stuggle
slycrel:
Thank you for posting that xiaou2. I'm not sure what prompted it, but good for you on your accomplishments in life, for being able to break the chain of abuse and selfishness. Kudos! I wish you the best.
shmokes:
The funny thing is when you find yourself unable to escape them. My wife has incredibly ticklish feet. Like nothing you've ever seen before. It's hilarious. Trust me, you seriously have no idea. Take whatever you've got in your head right now, multiply it by a thousand and you might be approaching some idea of how ticklish her feet are. A serial killer could be trying to murder her and she wouldn't fight half so hard as if he was trying to tickle her feet.
Anyway, I used to hold her foot by the ankle in one and and say, "Okay . . . bravery test." And she'd wince and be like, "Okay . . ." and I'd tickle super lightly and slowly (anything more and things would start looking like a rodeo real quick). On a good day she might last five seconds and then couldn't take it anymore.
Then, like five months ago we were at my mom's house and my mom did the bravery test to my little brother. It was really strange for both my wife and me. My wife and I were talking about it later and Stacy was said, "It's so strange cos I hear the stories, and I see how she treats Cassie and Matthew [the two that are still at home], and I just don't imagine anything endearing coming from her."
It's a shame, cos it's been spoiled now, to some degree. I still do it, and I'll do it to my kid(s), cos I think it's fun, but that my wife knows its origin makes it lose some of its magic. Strange dynamic. Really strange. It's almost like it's disappointing . . . like accepting the good things amounts to an implied approval of the bad things.
Anyway . . . that story was actually kind of a digression, or at least I didn't mean to make it so long and detailed. The actual point I was trying to make is how strange it is when I identify traits (sometimes negative traits) that are clearly picked up from my mom. I've done a rather amazing job of becoming nothing like her, but every now and then I'll see my mother in me and am kind of freaked out by it. It's usually just something harmless, like a mannerism or something, but sometimes it's something rather big and I just didn't notice it because its manifestation looks different in me because my philosophies and ideologies are so different from my parents.
Xiaou2:
slycrel, thanks.
Shmokes,
Its true that no matter how hard we may try, there is always some things
we will take away from our parents. The question is how much, and do we
try to fight it and be better than that.
We certainly have the advantage, because we have seen what the
outcomes of their behaviors are. That at least makes it a little
easier.
I was at least fortunate that my real father was kicked out when I was
young... so that my exposure was very limited to him.
Surely, I will never and have never come anywhere near close to
the level of violence, selfishness, and brutality. Its something I do
pride myself on.
Tho, Id admit, I do have a tendency to lose my temper at certain things,
(usually only very serious issues) Ive never thought about planting
pipe bombs on doorsteps like my father used to consider openly.
(he used to work for the post office - and almost fit into the
'Gone Postal' definition) And for sure, Id never hit or abuse any
woman or child no matter what.
Heck, Ive had a guy want to beat me down, and I talked him down
from it. Little did he realize I was teaching Kungfu privately at the time,
and that would have been a really bad idea for him heh !
But your right tho... it does freak you out when a small thing
pops up and you make that immediate connection.
mr.Curmudgeon:
--- Quote from: shmokes on November 05, 2007, 11:13:26 pm ---I've done a rather amazing job of becoming nothing like her, but every now and then I'll see my mother in me and am kind of freaked out by it.
--- End quote ---
Me and my father NEVER got along. He was oppressively authoritarian and mentally abusive. One day, about 10 years ago...I called his bluff and left. I just packed up a few things, walked out the door...and never looked back.
They say blood is thicker than water. But that old adage doesn't mean squat when that blood is poisoned. Sometimes we have to muster up the courage to do what is right for ourselves; in order to allow ourselves the room to become happy and healthy.
I've worked all my adult life to mute the negative traits I've inherited from him, but I've always been acutely aware that I am my father's son. I see him in the mirror (I look a lot like him), and I have certain behaviors that are EXACTLY like him.
However, it never really bothers me...because I've already beaten the single most important challenge, which is achieving the realization that I am willing to constantly work to be a better person than the one I saw in him.
Our horrible parents lose all their power over us once you are really able to internalize that notion (as they are horribly unaware of their own character flaws and of the long-term consequences of their negative behaviors). Kudos to Xiaou2 for finally being able to do what was right for himself, while maintaining compassion and empathy for others.
DrewKaree:
--- Quote from: mr.Curmudgeon on November 06, 2007, 10:30:28 am ---
I've always been acutely aware that I am my father's son. I see him in the mirror (I look a lot like him)
--- End quote ---
So your dad is the REAL Earl? ;)
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