Sitting in the hospital right now

[_) (V) (-)]

Any updates on the situation Shardian?
Hoping no news is good news!

Not sure what part of the country you are in, but if it's Colorado, you'll be glad to already be in the hospital. Shoveling a path there would take a while.

[shardian]

She is still in the hospital. She will be going thru some more tests today to see where she stands. I am so far behind at work. It is very hard for me to concentrate right now. - and the stress is really starting to get to me. Once I run out of excuses as to why I am behind, I may be joining donkey kong in the unemplyment line.

[ChadTower]

I thought you said they were family friendly and would cut you enough slack...?  Do you have other kids to take care of while your wife is in the hospital?

[shardian]

I thought you said they were family friendly and would cut you enough slack...?  Do you have other kids to take care of while your wife is in the hospital?

Well, I had this long post all written and then I realized it was a bit whiny. I feel better typing it all out, but now I'll present the revised edition

Basically, my company is family friendly, but they still want me to get work done if possible. The problem is my head is just not there. It was the same way when I took off for Riley - I know where I need to be, but I always feel the pull to obligations, you know? It's like this little voice in your head that says, "they don't really mean take off the time. They really want you to get back in there and take one for the team". You never know right? That is the feeling I am talking about that eats at me and frustrates me to the point I can't relax. What I want more than anything is to cut loose from all my obligations and just be with my family with a clear mind.

To sum up, the last year of my life has sucked horribly. To tell the truth, the arcade hobby and this forum are probably the only things that keep me sane.

[saint]

I believe this is the first time in history that this forum and hobby have been described in the same breath as keeping someone sane!

To sum up, the last year of my life has sucked horribly. To tell the truth, the arcade hobby and this forum are probably the only things that keep me sane.

[ChadTower]

Basically, my company is family friendly, but they still want me to get work done if possible. The problem is my head is just not there. It was the same way when I took off for Riley - I know where I need to be, but I always feel the pull to obligations, you know? It's like this little voice in your head that says, "they don't really mean take off the time. They really want you to get back in there and take one for the team". You never know right? That is the feeling I am talking about that eats at me and frustrates me to the point I can't relax. What I want more than anything is to cut loose from all my obligations and just be with my family with a clear mind.

I know exactly what you mean.  When my wife was in her car accident a few years ago I was the same.  A 3 year old, a small baby, and a wife badly injured with multiple pelvic/vertebral fractures.  Relatives "trying to help" but only making it far, far more difficult by being unreliable and/or doing a hellaciously poor job when they volunteered for anything (e.g. "no, I don't know where the baby is").  The stress and exhaustion quickly overwhelms and the worst part of it is the complete impotence to do anything other than get up again tomorrow and repeat today.

When it comes to your job, it's all about your direct manager.  If he is a decent guy, he'll help you through the workplace situation.  If he's not, you could easily end up unemployed quickly.

[Donkey_Kong]

I thought you said they were family friendly and would cut you enough slack...?  Do you have other kids to take care of while your wife is in the hospital?

Well, I had this long post all written and then I realized it was a bit whiny. I feel better typing it all out, but now I'll present the revised edition

Basically, my company is family friendly, but they still want me to get work done if possible. The problem is my head is just not there. It was the same way when I took off for Riley - I know where I need to be, but I always feel the pull to obligations, you know? It's like this little voice in your head that says, "they don't really mean take off the time. They really want you to get back in there and take one for the team". You never know right? That is the feeling I am talking about that eats at me and frustrates me to the point I can't relax. What I want more than anything is to cut loose from all my obligations and just be with my family with a clear mind.

To sum up, the last year of my life has sucked horribly. To tell the truth, the arcade hobby and this forum are probably the only things that keep me sane.

Obligations suck at a time like this. Take there word for it man...take the time off. Your family is more important and I'm sure they (management @ work) really do understand. If not, then they are jerks. Do what is best for you man. I know I would be one week s.o.b. in your situation. You're doing fine...either way hang in and be strong bro!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason

[ChadTower]

Take there word for it man...take the time off.

That's easier said than done when the first of the month rolls around and the mortgage must be paid.

[shardian]

When it comes to your job, it's all about your direct manager.  If he is a decent guy, he'll help you through the workplace situation.  If he's not, you could easily end up unemployed quickly.

My direct supervisor is awesome. He will be the design manager as soon as the current one retires in a year or two. Well, he unofficially is already to tell the truth.

Now for an update:

Michelle was released yesterday. I'm sure they'll readmit her again next week though, so I won't get too excited. The doctor that was there also discovered she tested positive for another blood clotting disorder that NOONE HAS EVER TOLD HER ABOUT! This is the reason I hate hospitals and doctors- there is always extremely poor communication on every front. She was apparently supposed to be taking alot of extra folic acid this whole time due to the new disorder, and she hasn't been. Needless to say, I am quite pissed off.

[ChadTower]

This is the reason I hate hospitals and doctors- there is always extremely poor communication on every front.

Odd that they would have run the test without telling her about it up front.  That's probably why they didn't tell her about the result.  They can't tell you results from a test you didn't consent to taking.  In fact, if they did run it, and didn't tell her about it beforehand, in some situations they actually cannot tell her the results without fear of consequences from effing up and not notifying her that they were going to run it. 

The liability laws are so circuitous now that few hospital staffs understand them.  When you throw in the new HIPAA privacy laws, which were all thrown in place by the gov't with a "YOU WILL FOLLOW NOW OR PAY HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS IN FINES" thud, most hospital employees have no idea what they are and are not allowed to do with either treatment or patient information (both medical and personal).  This is the industry I work in and it's a big giant steaming heap of poorly (if at all) trained (as to how to manage patient information) people at every level.

[Donkey_Kong]

When it comes to your job, it's all about your direct manager.  If he is a decent guy, he'll help you through the workplace situation.  If he's not, you could easily end up unemployed quickly.

My direct supervisor is awesome. He will be the design manager as soon as the current one retires in a year or two. Well, he unofficially is already to tell the truth.

Now for an update:

Michelle was released yesterday. I'm sure they'll readmit her again next week though, so I won't get too excited. The doctor that was there also discovered she tested positive for another blood clotting disorder that NOONE HAS EVER TOLD HER ABOUT! This is the reason I hate hospitals and doctors- there is always extremely poor communication on every front. She was apparently supposed to be taking alot of extra folic acid this whole time due to the new disorder, and she hasn't been. Needless to say, I am quite pissed off.

I would be pissst too, but maybe the best thing might be to harness that anger though for now, and shoot for the resolve at this time bud! You guys will get through it!!
 

[shardian]

No, they ran these tests back before she got pregnant when we first went to the high risk clinic. The results take like 2-3 weeks to get back. Noone ever told us what the results were - I had to ask a nurse and she gave me a copy of the results. It read like gibberish to me. At our next appointment - which was a month later of course- we asked the doc. He took out the results and said "You have the x disorder".

Now the resident who was working yesterday said to Michelle, "So you have x & y disorders." Michelle said " No, I only have the "x" disorder". He went back to look at the file and told her she did have both and she needed to make sure her normal doctors office made note of it. Apparently everyone assumed Michelle knew and was already taking Folic acid...except for the fact it was never prescribed, and they never mentioned it whatsover to verify she was keeping up with her meds.

They also kept telling her she had a classical incision from the first c-section. We kept telling them no, it was the one that allowed a VBAC. Finally in the hospital 2 weeks ago, Michelle talked to a doctor that was assisting in Riley's delivery, and she verified we were right. Finally, they looked at the original dictations of the first delivery and verified we were right. It felt good to know we were right, but the BAD news was that our doctor said he had reviewed the records of Riley's delivery.

Anyways, I think we will switch to the other specialist in the office now. I didn't have a problem with our doctor being a cocky bastard. I do have a problem with him being overly-cocky and missing possibly important details.

[ChadTower]

Anyways, I think we will switch to the other specialist in the office now. I didn't have a problem with our doctor being a cocky bastard. I do have a problem with him being overly-cocky and missing possibly important details.

Good idea.  Do it quickly, too. 

In my experience, women always make better OB/GYN/other female specific specialities.  They just understand more and care more.

[shardian]

The other specialist is an old indian woman. Everyone told us she was really mean. We have seen her once in the office, and she watched over Michelle all last week. True, she is loud and says whatever pops into her mind without hesitation, but we liked her. I just wonder if we could switch to her for the last few weeks of the pregnancy.

[ChadTower]

It is mostly up to her if she wants to accept you as a patient with the steep urgent learning curve.

If you mean Indian as in from India, part of that is just culture gap.  She would be as much authority figure as doctor in her own culture and may be prone to what we would consider condescension.  In her culture, she is there to help you and you are answerable to her.  In ours, she is working for you and answerable to you.  It is easy for the two concepts to be at direct odds.

That said, in India, it is far more culturally difficult for a woman to get to that level than a man.  It is less so than it used to be but it may say something about her abilities that she is where she is in her field.

[Felsir]

When it comes to your job, it's all about your direct manager.  If he is a decent guy, he'll help you through the workplace situation.  If he's not, you could easily end up unemployed quickly.

Yep, I agree. At the birth of our twins, my wife had to stay in the hospital where she delivered, the twins had to go to an academic hospital (because of cleft-palate) and my eldest son (18 months at the time) was at home. My direct manager gave me an extra week off. This week didn't end up in the records (ie. weren't deducted from my total available free days).

[_) (V) (-)]

I'm sorry, but first you complain about poor communication, then latter you wish to change to an Indian doctor.

I've had a few Indian doctors over the years and I just don't quite follow the logic there. 
(I.E. Tink eue come ah gan!) 

But I'm sure you know what feels right and if you're more comfortable with her then by all means man, go for it!

[shardian]

I'm sorry, but first you complain about poor communication, then latter you wish to change to an Indian doctor.

I've had a few Indian doctors over the years and don't quite follow the logic there. 
(I.E. Tank eue come ah-gain!) 

But I'm sure you know what feels right and if you're more comfortable with her then by all means man, go for it!

she knows her stuff. Alot of the people that see her don't like her because she tells them how it is. Unfortunately, alot of people that go to a high risk pregnancy clinic or get visited from her in the hospital have, shall we say, non-wholsome lifestyle habits. She does not beat around the bush.

It is easy to describe her current doctor: he is the real life incarnation of Dr. House. No joking whatsoever. Dude graduated top of his class from John's Hopkins. He even has a flock of groupies at his feet everywhere he goes in the hospital.

[sez]

Anyways, I think we will switch to the other specialist in the office now. I didn't have a problem with our doctor being a cocky bastard. I do have a problem with him being overly-cocky and missing possibly important details.

Good idea.  Do it quickly, too. 

In my experience, women always make better OB/GYN/other female specific specialities.  They just understand more and care more.

Not in my experience.  Too carefree for my liking.  I reckon my male OB/GYN went through more anxiety than I ever would whilst I was pregnant with my kids.

[sez]

Apparently everyone assumed Michelle knew and was already taking Folic acid...except for the fact it was never prescribed, and they never mentioned it whatsover to verify she was keeping up with her meds.

Firstly Shardian, glad to hear that your wife is slowly on the mend but you are still in my thoughts.

Secondly, from your statement above, are you saying that folic acid is by prescription only in the US?

[DrewKaree]

Apparently everyone assumed Michelle knew and was already taking Folic acid...except for the fact it was never prescribed, and they never mentioned it whatsover to verify she was keeping up with her meds.

Firstly Shardian, glad to hear that your wife is slowly on the mend but you are still in my thoughts.

Secondly, from your statement above, are you saying that folic acid is by prescription only in the US?

Sez, no, it's not, but from what I'm understanding, he's saying she wasn't told to increase her folic acid intake AT ALL.

Shardian, the wife and I are praying for your family.  Whatever else you might need, if any of us here can help, I'm certain we would do what we could for you, so don't hesitate to ask.

Cyko, there's a difference in communication (meaning not effectively transmitting information) and speaking clearly or without an accent.  That's the impression I got from your "I.E."  The two things, while somewhat interrelated, are NOT identical, and an Indian woman might be FAR more effective at communication than the person they have as a doctor right now.

[shardian]

Update Time:

As to Folic acid, it is prescription if you have to take an additional 4 milligrams, which is ALOT.

Anyways, Michelle is still on bed rest, her cervix is still thinning out - 3mm at last ultra sound.
She will be 34 weeks on Wednesday, so we will be much more relieved when that day gets here. The doctor will do a test to see if the baby is ready at 35 weeks, and if she is still pregnant by that time and Elizabeth passes the test, then Michelle will be getting up and walking a few blocks around the hospital.

[RTSDaddy2]

   Almost there

[Ed_McCarron]

The doctor that was there also discovered she tested positive for another blood clotting disorder that NOONE HAS EVER TOLD HER ABOUT!

Ask the docs about Lovenox (I might have spelled that wrong...)  My wife was having trouble carrying, and her fertility doc prescribed this blood thinner...  Apparently it can't do any harm, and can help with clotting disorders.

[shardian]

The doctor that was there also discovered she tested positive for another blood clotting disorder that NOONE HAS EVER TOLD HER ABOUT!

Ask the docs about Lovenox (I might have spelled that wrong...)  My wife was having trouble carrying, and her fertility doc prescribed this blood thinner...  Apparently it can't do any harm, and can help with clotting disorders.

She has been on that the whole time. It was really funny, because the first time she had to do the shot she almost passed out. Now, it is nothing to her. That stuff is VERY expensive - $2000/month. I count my lucky stars that insurance covered it.

[Ed_McCarron]

The doctor that was there also discovered she tested positive for another blood clotting disorder that NOONE HAS EVER TOLD HER ABOUT!

Ask the docs about Lovenox (I might have spelled that wrong...)  My wife was having trouble carrying, and her fertility doc prescribed this blood thinner...  Apparently it can't do any harm, and can help with clotting disorders.

She has been on that the whole time. It was really funny, because the first time she had to do the shot she almost passed out. Now, it is nothing to her. That stuff is VERY expensive - $2000/month. I count my lucky stars that insurance covered it.

Ah.  My wife went through the full year of fertility shots... I ended up getting quite good at administering them.  You are quite right, the meds are insane-expensive.  I think I figured out that without the insurance covering the meds, it would have been like $45k in meds alone.

Oh, as to the shots.  I was good at it - unless she made me mad that day.  In that case, I got quite good at finding a nerve. 

[shardian]

I did it for her at first, but then she got sick of waking up at 6:30am for me to do it before I went to work. 

[shardian]

Update again:

Looks like we will be scheduling a 37 week C-section for Feb. 7th pending if Michelle doesn't go into labor before then. I jsut want to thank everyone again for showing your support and praying for us.

Of course, after reading that inspirational story of the guy hurrying up the birth of his son so he could go to the Bears game, I may just have to delay the C-section so we can watch the new Lost episode that night. Think I could get on CNN news for that? Just Kidding!

[ChadTower]

The Super Bowl is 2/4 and the Pro Bowl 2/10.  You would have to schedule it for after 2/10 just in case complications prevented you from watching indifferent all pros screw around in Hawaii for a week.

[Kaytrim]

Glad to hear that Michelle has been able to hold on this long.  Keep taking it day by day and before you know it it will be all over.

Take Care, We're pulling for you all.

[ChadTower]

Glad to hear that Michelle has been able to hold on this long.  Keep taking it day by day and before you know it it will be all over.

No, before they know it the first part will be all over.  They'll still have a good amount ahead of them as the baby will likely need some extra support and attention after the difficult pregnancy.  The baby will pull thru and be healthy but it will probably have a bit more challenge in the process.  That's my assumption based on the info we have and a good amount of experience, anyway.  So really, the first part is over, but the second leg of the journey begins after delivery. 

[DrewKaree]

Glad to hear that Michelle has been able to hold on this long.  Keep taking it day by day and before you know it it will be all over.

No, before they know it the first part will be all over.  They'll still have a good amount ahead of them as the baby will likely need some extra support and attention after the difficult pregnancy.  The baby will pull thru and be healthy but it will probably have a bit more challenge in the process.  That's ---my bottom---umption based on the info we have and a good amount of experience, anyway.  So really, the first part is over, but the second leg of the journey begins after delivery. 

Sometimes, even though it's the reality of the situation, it helps to get a "glad to hear things might be looking up" instead of "here's the grim facts you know but I'll repeat them to you in case you were having a good day".

[ChadTower]

That's not what I was saying but I see your point.  It was more of a "first leg over, second leg begins now, keep it up" message.  The autocensor screwed that up a little bit.

There is also something to be said for not having everyone telling them "it will all be over shortly" when that is just not true.  He knows what is coming up and what is behind them.

[shardian]

Don't worry Chad, I understand. Hopefully she'll be healthy as a horse though.

The replies I usually don't like are the "Now you get to be miserable for the next 2 years" kind of replies. I know people are just trying to be friendly with things like this, but they just don't understand, and I am happy for them that they don't.

[ChadTower]

Don't worry Chad, I understand. Hopefully she'll be healthy as a horse though.

I figured.  I come from a culture where pragmatism is as important as optimism.  Optimism is important and valuable but is only one component of strong preparation.

The replies I usually don't like are the "Now you get to be miserable for the next 2 years" kind of replies. I know people are just trying to be friendly with things like this, but they just don't understand, and I am happy for them that they don't.

Those people are self centered idiots that would say that regardless of the health of your wife and child.  Those are the "OMG we had a kid now my life is over" people.  They are not worth listening to and are actually pitiable, IMO.  What they don't understand is that the birth of a child is the beginning of your real life.  Everything up to that point was just preparation.

[shardian]

Well, I don't exactly see it that way. I figure those people are just trying to lighten things up a bit. Me and Michelle weren't very sociable after Riley died. Michelle still isn't.
The "self-centered people", which we have several of in the family, say much worse things without even thinking of what they are saying.
Here's a sampling:
My brother-in-law:
"Maybe it's better that he died." in reference to the fact he may have had a handicap.
"Why is HIS picture on your desktop?" In reference to being jealous( that's the only reasoning that I cuold come up with) that our son's picture was on Grandma's computer and not his own children.

Michelle's Grandma:
"He died because you were too skinny" Boy that one made Michelle's day.

There have been more, but those stick out the worst.

[ChadTower]

I'm not very sociable to begin with, so comments like those would at best result in my getting up and leaving without saying a word to that person for some time.  At worst it could get ugly.  I wouldn't even put comments like those into the "he's just self centered" category... they're over the line and offensive to me, even considering that they aren't intended that way.

I should note, though, that people say I am overprotective of my wife and kids.  I see that as wrong the same way I see those people as underprotective of the only thing in their life that really matters.

[saint]

Having kids is the best thing I've ever done in my life, I wouldn't trade one bit of it for anything in the world. 37 weeks is a good gestational age, I think you have nothing but good times ahead of you. 

Don't worry Chad, I understand. Hopefully she'll be healthy as a horse though.

The replies I usually don't like are the "Now you get to be miserable for the next 2 years" kind of replies. I know people are just trying to be friendly with things like this, but they just don't understand, and I am happy for them that they don't.

[shardian]

I don't talk to my brother-in-law any more. He knows he crossed the line and has tried to make up for it in his own self-centered way, but its too late for that in my book. He is only lucky that I am used to his ways, or things would have definitely became ugly.
Going thru a situation like that, you find out who truly cares about you, and who doesn't. We have cut off contact with alot of friends and family (my entire family included. Long story, the straw that broke the camels back kinda thing). We have also grown much closer to the friends and family who did care, and gained many friends who went out of their way to lend us a helping hand.
So, in a way it sucks to lose friends and family, but the return of knowing who you can count on when the chips are down I think will pay off in the long run.

[mr.Curmudgeon]

I believe this is the first time in history that this forum and hobby have been described in the same breath as keeping someone sane!

To sum up, the last year of my life has sucked horribly. To tell the truth, the arcade hobby and this forum are probably the only things that keep me sane.

Well, he obviously has never visited P&R.