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How do you do this to your kids?

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shmokes:

Drew, you seem to be reading and responding to one line at a time of my posts rather than taking them as a whole.  My first post didn't paint a black-and-white definition of spanking.  It talks about hitting in general and specifically says that spanking is generally less severe than slapping, slapping than hitting, etc.  In general, I'm talking about run-of-the-mill, open hand spanking that is physically painful, but does no permanent or severe physical injury.  Of course, spanking can get a helluva lot worse than this, but just so you know we're on the same page, rest assured that I'm talking about the type of spanking you believe in, not the type of spanking I sometimes received.

You misunderstand, or see too little of what I'm saying if you think I'm contradicting myself up there.  In many cases, spanking can probably be an effective way to stop a particular behavior or a particular type of behavior, at least in the short term.  That's obvious. 

But my position on whether it's an acceptable method of behavior modification takes more into account than its efficacy.  Beating your kid or berating them constantly can also be effective forms of behavior modification.  Hell, cutting your kids hands off would be an effective way of making him stop a number of behaviors, including hiding behind the curtains and flipping off the neighbor  ;D

I simply think that spanking has negative baggage that outweighs its benefits, especially in light of alternative, non-violent methods of punishment that work at least as well.

DrewKaree:


--- Quote from: shmokes on October 02, 2006, 08:55:19 pm ---
....rest assured that I'm talking about the type of spanking you believe in, not the type of spanking I sometimes received.

You misunderstand, or see too little of what I'm saying if you think I'm contradicting myself up there.  In many cases, spanking can probably be an effective way to stop a particular behavior or a particular type of behavior, at least in the short term.  That's obvious. 

But my position on whether it's an acceptable method of behavior modification takes more into account than its efficacy.  I simply think that spanking has negative baggage that outweighs its benefits, especially in light of alternative, non-violent methods of punishment that work at least as well.


--- End quote ---

Good to know on the first part up there.  I didn't bother responding to anyone for a while and may not have looked back at everything.

I don't look at spanking as something that should be used to stop a behavior, rather to reinforce the seriousness of the behavior and the escalating consequences that can happen.  In Chad's instance, I think we can all see that his child got the message that further actions could lead to more serious consequences.  The child doesn't understand that the consequence could very well have been a severe (and perhaps deforming) burn that Chad would have had no control over. 

It's about stepping in while your child ISN'T in serious trouble and working to head off the problem (or at least try to limit the exposure or consequences) before it gets to that point.

There even becomes a point at which you simply have to let your kid experience the consequences of their actions.  I believe that age is beyond the point where spanking should be used.  I believe spanking a child becomes less useful the older a child gets, when they CAN be talked to, reasoned with, and understand the consequences of further behavior, not because they become physically equal to (or stronger than) the parent giving them a spanking.

Like I said before, I just see far too much "beating" talk and it negates any reasonable discussion about spanking a child as a disciplinary method, much like the opposite reaction of "we'll just talk to him and he'll end up setting himself on fire because he won't listen".  Neither is reasonable, both are extreme positions, and painting with such an extreme brush leads to someone possibly ignoring a very valid point because they see the other person as an equally-as-extreme person with no clue about "real life".

Ed_McCarron:

Dang, I hate agreeing with Drew.

Hes right.  Theres the occasional spank on the bottom (with our son, maybe once or twice a month - mainly when he does something inherently dangerous to himself), and then theres abuse.

Don't confuse the two.  I was often hit with a belt.  Not every day, like Chad seems to have been, but often enough that fear became the control my father had over me.  I'd like my kids to respect me, not fear me.

I've found that in most cases, a three minute time-out does work.  Especially if the kid has some guilt issues.

On the other hand, I don't think I'll be putting him on time out after he gets hit by a car.  We live on a 4 lane road.  Time out ain't gonna cut it.

RandyT:

Let me make sure I understand this.  Most of the people involved in this discussion have been beaten when young.  (I took some closed fists to the face when I was 15, but that's another story)

shmokes (and others) would have everyone believe that corporal punishment (we are talking about spankings here, not the aforementioned fist-to-face) would turn a child into a social deviant, a cowering mass of quivering flesh, a maladjusted miscreant, or someone who, god forbid, pumps gas for a living.

Strangely, (and I'm making a bit of an assumption here) there seem to be quite a number of fairly successful, fairly intelligent people involved in this discussion.  I'm guessing you don't spend three days a week paying someone hundreds of dollars an hour to listen to your problems, you didn't kill your parents/teachers/classmates, and you don't have to take 13 pills a day to "cope with life."

Did anyone here actually get disciplined the way you are suggesting is now the "right" way?  Has anyone stopped to consider that perhaps the adversity you experienced made you the stronger  / smarter individual you are today and that it quite possibly played a vital role in getting you here?

I don't know.  I've always been a big fan of the idea that the "result" is a good indicator of the viability of the "method".  Maybe it doesn't apply in this instance.

Then again, maybe it does and we are all so twisted that no-one should take heed to anything we write on the subject.

(Is that enough drama for you, shmokes?  ;D)

RandyT



Daniel270:

I was one of those who got the receiving end of a leather belt a time or two.  I'd also say that I probably deserved it those times I got it, usually knowing I was risking it when I did whatever it was I did (which usually boiled down to me not doing what I was told, after having been told quite a few times to do it). 

I'm no deviant, have no criminal history or offenses (other than driving, but I doubt seriously that's something that'd warrant a "spanking")....

There were a few I'd question now that I got, mostly from school....  my 3rd grade teacher paddled me on a near daily basis, once for tripping someone (which was NOT my fault.. then she had the gall to call me a liar) as well as writing in a book that was MINE, not school property.  Then there was all those incomplete homework assignments that I got paddled for, etc....

 :angry:

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