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My Mom's Estate----Attorney problems
Arcadiac:
Hi y'all, hoping to get some experienced advice about how to light a fire under the attorney who is in charge of probate for my mother's estate. I know that you guys really don't know me but maybe there is someone here who has had a similar experience and could offer some suggestions.
Backstory:
Mom died March 25, 2003, (Father 20 yrs. ago) leaving no will and living in a different state from me (PA). 4 heirs, myself, a brother and a sister, and my deceased sisters only daughter, a niece.
Unfortunately bickering began and my bro and sis, who live in PA, stole stuff from my mom's house, even before funeral arrangements were made.
This led to me being estranged from them due to hurt and anger over their behavior, not just the stealing but other ugliness on their part.
Legal battle ensues, I find out that because I don't reside in PA, I am not eligible to be executor of her estate.
My bro was given authority, he promptly moved into my mom's house, claiming that he was going to buy it.
In the interim I have not heard anything except a demand from the court to take some records that mom wanted me to have to be appraised, $35 worth, I complied.
I wrote the lawyer last September (a year after bro was made executor) asking to be kept informed and up to date with the proceedings, got a reply in Oct., the case had been assigned another atty. because the original one had retired.
So here I am, approaching the second anniversary of my mom's death still not knowing what ever became of the estate. I don't know what to do. I can't afford an attorney in PA or here for that matter, so I feel that I have no one working for me. Is there someone in PA that I could write to for help, the Attorney General or Bar Association or someone to get help? Dialog with my bro is still out of the question. I feel ready to write another letter to his attorney but I really want it to be effective.
It's not so much a matter of money now as it's a matter of principle and putting some closure on my Mom's death. I feel that when all is settled I can either make a decision to just write off my bro and sis, or whatever, it won't heal as it is, it's an open wound. I didn't just lose my Mom, effectively I lost my family.
You know how some things eat at you in the middle of the night when you can't sleep? Well, this is the ghost that haunts me much too often.
The anniversary of her death is soon.
It just F'n hurts.
And so it goes.
ARCADIAC!
Ken Layton:
I know what you're going thru. My mom died in 1997 as the result of an auto accident (someone slammed into her car broadside). Then all the bickering started! My mom was dirt poor. The last several years of her life I was supporting her by giving her half my weekly salary for 15+ years. My sister and brother were arguing and stealing stuff. I stayed out of that, but then everyone and their brother started coming out of the woodwork all saying gimme gimme gimme. My mom had a life insurance and a car insurance policy and I got some money out of that. My sister and brother no longer even speak to each other.
stevejt:
I know how you feel about the bickering. My great Grandmother, who I lived with for 10 years, died in 95. But my family started arguing before she died. I lived here in the house before she died and was also was left the house. So I had everydody in the family coming over and saying she promised me that, or she promised me this. I actually threw out some things just because too many people said it was supposed to be theirs. Years later, no one talks about it, but because of their greed, I don't think anyone has forgotten. I was also the executor, so everybody came to me. You might not be getting what you deserve from what she left behind, but with family fighting, you are lucky to at least not be in the middle. If you are the only one not being greedy, if you were the executor you would have everybody coming to you, begging, lying and threatening, and even the guilt trip. I am truley sorry about what you are going through, as I said, I went through some of my family giving me a very hard time. Some have brought it up to me over the years, just to let me know they haven't forgotten. Which hurts, because I was doing exactly what I thought my Grandmother would have wanted. I even gave some of what I was left away to other family members. Sorry to be blabbing and seeming to pour my heart out here. I just want you to see that if any selfish people are involved, you are alot better to not have to be the referee of the family. As far as the law goes, I know here in NY I was allowed to use her money that was not left to anyone, to pay the house mortgage and bills for as long as was necessary,(the law states no specific amount of time). Without delay, means nothing at all in court. I know there is no executor in your case, but seeing you are a reletive, maybe "in the best interest of the estate" you can request a copy of any actions taken from the appointed attourney. Since there was no will, I beleive all actions SHOULD be public records. I mean come on, you can go to county offices and see how much is owed (leans) on someones mortgage and who is making the property tax payments (bank mortgage is in) and who is getting copies of the tax bills, for ANYONES address. Unfortunately I have had ALOT of court experiences in my life, and I know that what is supposed to happen in court does not always. MOST of the time the better lawyer wins, no matter what. That's why innocent people go to jail, and guilty people go free, or get plea bargained to unrelated charges. Again, I am just trying to show you that it might be a good thing that you are not the center of all this. And I am sorry for your loss.
Steve
Thenasty:
Fist, I'm sorry to your loss of your Mother. I myself don't know how it feels to a lose a mother but I know that its the same hurt feeling when my Grandma/Aunt/Uncle passed away (or maybe even more worse). One thing I did learn thou is that, don't let this happen to your family, I mean having no WILL. It is hard to talk to your parents/relatives about this matter but it is very important at the end.
After my Aunt passed away (2003), this was the time we woke up about making a WILL after talking with the lawyer about her estate. It gets very ugly if there is no WILL.
I wish the best and the only suggestion I can tell you after all your problems are solved is, make sure you have a very clear WILL of what to do with your state. It is already hard loosing a MOM and to put on top of it, loosing your BROTHER/SISTER ( family). Good luck.
Arcadiac:
Thanks for the replies, I too am sorry for your losses, I can relate. maybe I wasn't very clear, I get that way when I'm emotional.
My brother is the executor of the estate. All I want is to get information from the attorney he hired to help him administer the estate, I believe that as an heir I have the right to be kept informed. I know that you "get more flies with honey than with vinegar" but I have reached out before, twice, seeking information from the attorney, last response being "the attorney representing your brother has retired, I will review the contents and status of the file and will respond sustantively to your letter as soon as possible". That was last Oct.
I think that I need to be more forceful in my next letter, but I don't want to let my feelings of anger and frustration take it too far.
That's why I mentioned the Bar Association or County Attorney, would threatening to refer this issue to them do any good?
In hindsight I am very grateful that I did not become executor of the estate, there is simply too much greed and hatefulness going on to have to be in the middle of it. My bro and sis just behaved as everyone else expected them to, swooping in like the vultures they are to pick the bones. And they probably will get away with it, I'm not very confident that anyone out of state's interests will be protected at all, leaving myself and my neice out of the picture.
But on the other hand, as small as her estate is, whether or not there is even anything left to distrubute after her debts were paid, The bottom line is that all of us have the right to be kept informed of the process and the results of the closing of the estate. Its just wrong.
This whole process sucks and I just want it to be over so I can move on.
Thanks all for your input, keep it coming, I'm gonna put off writing that letter for a while until I feel a bit more rational, any help is appreciated.
ARCADIAC!