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the story, of the worst time in my life
Luxury:
This is completely off THIS topic, but it does fall under the "The worst time in my life" thingy.
My girlfriend and I just broke up 2 nights ago. Caught me completely off guard. We had been going out for 6 years now, and have lived together that entire time. We didn't even have a fight or anything stupid like that. She was waiting at home, said "We need to talk", and then stated that she wanted to break up with me. She had put a lot of thought into it, and that really makes me wonder, because only weeks before we were talking about getting married. Plus we have tickets to hawaii next week, which she might still go, but I just lost a bunch of money on.
So anyways, this is the first time i've ever been in a breakup (I'm 26 btw), and it's especially hard because we are still living together until both of us can find new apartments. More like a divorce than a break up because with a break up, you don't see the person anymore. I however have to keep seeing her until I can find a new place and move all my junk - probably another month or so. We don't really have any close friends or family one of us could stay with, so that's out of the question. Plus we need to figure out who gets what (furniture and stuff) which I'm dreading.
Luckily, I am extremely busy at work this week, so I've been getting home very very late and have hardly seen her since. Unfortunately, because of this - I have absolutely no chance of apt searching in the meantime, which makes me spend more time with her in my life. Which I don't necessarily want her completely out of. I'd still like to be somewhat of friends with, with minimal awkwardness when we see each other again.
So anyways, sorry to hear about your hard time in your life, but it really doesn't sound all that bad everything things considered...
danny_galaga:
ok. my serious advice now! when my first girlfriend broke it off i was totally shattered. i was so lost. years later i realised i was off the rails a bit. you won't see it right now but one of the worst things you can do is keep calling her. the way you described how you felt about phone calls and the like reminded me of me a lot. i probably called her as often as you have been doing but in retrospect i think it bordered on stalking! the problem is you start to think 'i dont want to call her just yet, its too soon'. then you start counting down the time until you think it should be ok to call- hanging on 'rules' that you imagine she has about when it might be ok. but ANYTIME you call reminds her of the problems and will put her on the back foot. she will probably be wanting to just forget things for a bit.
this is my advice. DONT call her. DONT buy her presents. DONT buy her flowers. but DONT do any of those things to play hard to get. DO them to give her space. you CANT TIME how long that is either. she will call you, or she wont. early on someone said you cant make someone love you. thats everything in a nutshell.
but i was YOU once. i didnt understand any of that then either. you cant see clearly until much later. emotions really get in the way.
shmokes:
And hey....at the time of all my troubles I just wished that everything would go back to the way they were when everything was cool.
But I'll be ---Bad words, bad words, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when saint censors you?--- if my wife isn't WAY cooler and WAY hotter and WAY more secure and WAY more pretty-much-everything-good than the girl that caused me all the pain. And I never would hhooked up with my wife if I'd stayed in that relationship.
My miserable breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was a great learning experience. It sucked at the time, of course, but it gave me all kinds of useful experience, like I learned how to turn off my emotions like a switch when I sense danger. This can be a double edged sword...but I digress
So anyway...it was useful and whatnot, but mainly it led to my current situation which is probably as near to perfection as a man can hope for.
So yeah, buck up. She may have been good...but for all you know there's a clone of my wife out there that you'll meet in a few months. After that this girl will be ancient history :)
Sephroth57:
well i signed up at the gym today.. felt really good working out and stuff. i think im gonna start going 3 times a week, it took my mind off things..
and im not calling until she calls me..
Crazy Cooter:
I'm no expert, but I've run with a few different girls. ;) Here's my $0.02:
- Caution: This is blunt & to the point -
She went to an all girl school. Now she's 21 (I'd guess for about 6 months right?). She goes to the bars and the dudes hit on her. They doddle over her waaay more than you did (exact reasons unimportant). That gets her thinking that some, probably most, of these guys went to college. They have the same "worldly experience" as she does and she relates to them better.
She wants to try and play the game. She might not be unhappy with you exactly, but she's wondering if she would be happier with someone else (see above).
Just like you said yourself, "but shes not saying i should wait for her. she just knows that im that stubborn and i will wait". Where's the risk? She keeps you as a friend until she decides whether or not she'd be happier with someone else. Meanwhile you're in limbo. Just like you are now. You're close to the answer when you say "believe me, there is no other guy". It's because there are all those other guys. I'm not saying she's a ---stingray--- or anything near that. Most likely she's never done anything with anyone else. But she's (probably) thinking what it would be like dating someone else.
You can get pissed at her or you can try everything you can to try and "make it up to her". It's pretty much worthless. It's her decision. Give her the room to make it. I'd say the chances of it all working out and you guys skipping into the sunset are pretty slim though. Go to the gym. deal with it there. It'll be easier to catch the next one. Don't be so quick to rule the new ones out though. I wasn't happy until I finally dated someone closer to my age. I always went at least 3 years younger.
PS: If she comes around this weekend, point her to this thread and ask her what she thinks of the responses here. Sometimes it's easier to get something out that is already "out". I'd say you guys are just heading different directions.
Anyhow, I'll second Shmokes statement: "My miserable breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me." And his wifes clone IS as good as he says. Wait a minute... she has a clone?:P