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| dkersten:
Soooo.. what you are saying is you wanted people to just feel sorry for you and not to actually get advice on what might help you to get through it and get out of the rut you have been in your whole life? For someone who has based so many arguments on meditation, self control, and martial arts, you seem to have the exact opposite attitude and demeanor of someone who is at peace with themselves internally. You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time. Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head. It took years of hard work too, but mostly it took having the confidence in myself that I can overcome anything life throws at me. If you don't believe that then you might as well hang it up now because there is no "ship" that will just come in for you one day. You make your own fate. The old saying that good things come to those who wait is wrong, good things come to those who work their asses off for many years and make more right decisions than wrong ones. Admitting you have made mistakes is good, but if you attach conditions out of your control to it, you might as well not even admit you made mistakes. If I said, "I made a mistake and drank too much, but I had a bad day and my friends wouldn't stop buying be drinks," then all I am saying is "I couldn't control myself, my friends and my past dictated what I did and it will happen again because I have no control over it." Instead, just tell yourself, "I made a mistake, and next time I will try not to." That is owning your mistakes and keeping a positive outlook. Good luck, I sincerely hope things continue to get better for you. |
| BadMouth:
--- Quote from: dkersten on June 11, 2015, 12:20:33 pm ---You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time. Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head. --- End quote --- Ok, now imagine you didn't have a wife or kids as motivation and it's ingrained in you that you aren't deserving of anything because as a child you were treated as worthless. |
| pbj:
$13k in debt? Good lord. I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt. |
| dkersten:
--- Quote from: BadMouth on June 11, 2015, 02:52:54 pm --- --- Quote from: dkersten on June 11, 2015, 12:20:33 pm ---You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time. Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head. --- End quote --- Ok, now imagine you didn't have a wife or kids as motivation and it's ingrained in you that you aren't deserving of anything because as a child you were treated as worthless. --- End quote --- I would then have two choices: curl up in the corner and give up or put my head up and forge ahead and try to make a better life for myself. I get it, PTSD is a tough thing to overcome, and just having a positive attitude is not something that will just make it go away. But if you are actually trying to get over it, nothing will kill your chances faster than waking up and deciding automatically that life is going to ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- on you anyway so why even try. Your outlook on life is what will determine your success in overcoming obstacles. |
| dkersten:
--- Quote from: pbj on June 11, 2015, 03:27:06 pm ---$13k in debt? Good lord. I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt. --- End quote --- That was my thought, only as it applied to me 20 years ago (about $20k back then, which equates to about $40k today). Today I am proud of the fact that my only debt would be my house, although seeing a 6 figure debt each month sucks, especially since I would be paid off in 2 more years if it weren't for my divorce. You want to hear something even more sickening than $13k in debt? How about having to borrow $65k against your house to give to your ex wife and watch her piss it away in less than 6 months while your kids don't see a single thing from it (and have nothing to show for it whatsoever)... It sucks to be $65k further from ending my mortgage almost as much as it sucks to see equity I worked for 20 years to build up get pissed away. But I have it good, because that mortgage is my only debt and I can more than afford the payments. My ex wife on the other hand.. well, on top of the $65k she pissed away, she wrote another $35k in bad checks that are catching up to her these days. She tried to get on permanent disability because she is a hypochondriac (officially she claimed she couldn't work because of headaches) and ended up losing a $45k per year (with great benefits) job and now can't find anything better than $9 per hour. She lost her apartment just before Christmas and is pretty much homeless, living with whatever guy she can convince to let her sleep over, which means my 2 daughters are with me full time and can't spend time with their mother because she doesn't have a place where they can visit. On top of this, she remarried a few months after our divorce and the guy was abusive and then attempted to kill her (he is in prison for 15 years). My kids are traumatized over that as well. Oh, and about the time her new husband was headed to prison, her mother died from Cancer. As if that wasn't enough weight on her shoulders, her father (who lived in another state with her step mother) died a week later. She lost both her parents in one week. I feel for anyone who is going through a rough time, but things can ALWAYS get worse... If you really want tales of hardship, I could go on for hours. We all could, I imagine. But when I look at my life I feel nothing but blessed. Not because I had it easy, but because I could have had it way worse. Tomorrow could be the worst day of my life for all I know, but I am not going to go to bed worrying about it or believing that will be the case because that won't solve a single thing. |
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