BYOACers helping BYOACers

[Le Chuck]

My point was, if you want to HELP, then TRY TO UNDERSTAND. That was the most frustrating part of being widowed for me. The fact that people wanted to help, but very few made the effort to understand what I was going through. And of course, I dont blame them. Writing a check is easy, but impersonal. Widow(er)s dont want your money. They dont want your sympathy. They desperately want someone to understand what the hell they are going through, at a time when not even THEY understand.

So if you think my post had ulterior motives, or was poorly placed then you have no idea where I am coming from, and that is OK, but dont dare consider this a spam post. Unless you have been there and done that, you have no idea.

Send him a copy? I will do one better. Every penny from every sale for the next thirty days goes stright to his fund. The only reason the book is 99 cents is because I cant price it any lower per amazon rules.

Cool beans!  Copy purchased.

[CheffoJeffo]

My point was, if you want to HELP, then TRY TO UNDERSTAND. That was the most frustrating part of being widowed for me. The fact that people wanted to help, but very few made the effort to understand what I was going through. And of course, I dont blame them. Writing a check is easy, but impersonal. Widow(er)s dont want your money. They dont want your sympathy. They desperately want someone to understand what the hell they are going through, at a time when not even THEY understand.

I am so very sorry for your loss and I thank you for lending insight into something that the rest of us can't possibly understand.

Having said that, your specific experience is colouring your commentary a particular shade that ignores the other issues at play (finances, time and a little boy with quite a list of challenges) and misses the point of what we are trying to do. None of us can truly understand what this guy is going through. Not you. Not me.

I understand your frustration (how many people do you think can even understand what it is like having a child with Autism ... not just the emotion and strain, but the dollar cost and crushing restrictions on personal time), but there is no need to belittle the efforts of others simply because you see the world through a differently-shaded lens.

Craig has posted that he lacks the time and money to finish building his cab, even though he really wants a cab. We can get him a cab and we can get him some money.

If you believe that to be easy, impersonal and not particularly helpful, then I am sorry -- we are doing what we can.

[ChadTower]

Have we heard back from him?  Do we have any real contact info?  I want to get something set up while folks are still willing to donate.  I need a way to get the cash to him before I open up the donations.

[CheffoJeffo]

He hasn't been back yet. I will try to get you contact info today.

EDIT: I have the account information for the trust and the funeral home is going to let him know and pass along my contact information.

[ChadTower]

I have the trust info from Cheffo.  It looks like the best way to do this is for me to handle the process and Cheffo himself can make the trust deposit in person at a Bank of Montreal branch.

I'm thinking I can set up a dedicated paypal account and then transfer the money to Cheffo at some predetermined date.  How does that sound to everybody else?

[Hoopz]

Make it happen, cap'n.

[stu33]

I have the trust info from Cheffo.  It looks like the best way to do this is for me to handle the process and Cheffo himself can make the trust deposit in person at a Bank of Montreal branch.

I'm thinking I can set up a dedicated paypal account and then transfer the money to Cheffo at some predetermined date.  How does that sound to everybody else?

Sounds good to me, as long as you give enough time to ebay some stuff so I can make a paypal gift

[ChadTower]

Sorry guys, got sidetracked this weekend with family stuff, I hope to have the Paypal account set up and available within the next 48 hours.

[lcmgadgets]

This is my 2nd attempt to post here. My lap top seems to b acting up, I get so far into writing the post, & then it locks up. So now I'm trying again, on my wife's ipad.

Finally, I got a chance to follow CheffoJeffo's link to this thread. All I can say is, guys, this is so, so far over the top. I had no idea I'd find so much here. The outpouring of sympathy, advise, suggestions, aid, its been...overwhelming. What can I say? Thanks? Not nearly enuf. Please, if no one else does, I'm going to try to keep this thread going (no promises, I'm swamped, as u might imagine), so that I can pay it forward to any1 & every1 else on my favourite forum who can use any kind of help.

I also had no idea that this was started specifically 4 me & Harrison. I thot it was a thread that had existed 4 a while that I simply hadn't known about. U can bet I"m going to try to explain to him what this is, & who u guys r (not suggesting that he can't understand, hes very high functioning, & very smart, but as he has no xperience with forums...). Again, people...I don't know what to say. I'm at a complete loss. I don't feel I deserve it. I actually feel a bit of guilt. When I started my 'I never thot I'd post anything like this' post, I thot I was just selfishly using this forum as a place to vent where no one else in my family would b likely to c it; &, as I said later there, I'm sorry 4 sharing an xperience that could cause nightmares.

I still haven't had the time to more than scan the many replies to my post, but I have seen many excellent suggestions, most of which my wife had already pursued (Laura was...driven is the correct word...to find each & every source of aid 4 our son). Laura did 90% of the work in the search 4 help 4 us, &, unfortunately, kept the bulk of the results of her work in her head. So now I'm playing a very serious game of catch up. I'm getting there, but it will take time, & I cannot pretend to ever replace my wife, the genius. I was the labourer, she was the brains. I will do my best, & with the help of friends, family, professionals, & near strangers--u guys! we will survive & thrive, & my son will b educated & attain independence & success. But, back to the point, I am trying to pursue the suggestions that sound new to me. Thanks. It'll take time, but I will get there. About education, I did decide over the weekend that, although I'm not yet at the point where I can fully homeschool Harrison, I can start small, & so we began working on reading (yes, just reading) this morning. Harrison will learn reading by 'sight' (best way 4 most with autism), & his recall of words he hasn't reviewed in over 6 nonths (we've been too tied up with Laura's health issues) is surprising.

Many of u have offered contributions to Harrison's trust fund, again, this is amazing. 1 warning, the same I sent in a message to CheffoJeffo--the account the money is going into is, at this point, completely open to me. I c my lawyer this week, dealing with issues of Laura's estate (we hadn't completed our wills--we'd been working them out, & it had literally come down to 1 last appointment, to sign the final papers, when this happened), & I'm going to try to lock down the details of the trust fund then (the thinking at this point is to make it accessible only to Harrison, on his 18th birthday). The point is, if u don't want to trust me, & I could hardly blame u, don't contribute yet. I could 'steal' the money, if I wanted. At this point, all I can do is give u my word, 4 what its worth, that every penny contributed to Harrison's trust fund that goes into that account will b locked in so that only he can get it (as I already said, it seems appropriate that it'll bcome accessible on his 18th birthday, but if the lawyer comes up with an alternative, like, say, that it would go to his guardian, to b used 4 Harrison's care, should anything happen to me...). Again, thank you, thank you, thank you. I have already told Harrison about this, & I'm spreading the word to my father-in-law, other relatives & friends, to let them know of your generosity.

Finally, many of u have talked about getting me an arcade cabinet! This is way above & beyond, but...my...greed...makes me unable to say no. &, honestly, Harrison would love it! Hes developed a love of the classic arcade games (my bad influence), he especially spends a lot of time playing or watching youtube videos about the whole 'ghosts n' goblins' series (also 1 of my favourites). I must admit, with some shame, that when CheffoJeffo pm'd me about this, I actually was brazen enuf to make a specific request. Now, in my undeserved defense, I repeat what I said to him; if u guys scraped together a piece of crap with a stick & a button on it, I'd cherish it, post about it with pride, & scream the names of those who were part of the project to the gods to honour. But, if some1 was willing to build me a cab for pay, I CAN PAY. I saved a considerable chunk of change up over the 6 years of this project, most from my dad's estate, which I've often been tempted to spend on more practical items, only to b ordered by my wife to save it 4 the cab. So, as CheffoJeffo said, I'm after a white elephant. I have the bulk of the parts--all the controls except a steering wheel & pedals (which I might b able to get from mherman--last I was able to communicate with him, he was willing to sell me his Thomas Super Wheel & pedals) (except 4 a few specialty controls, like a DOT handle (I'll mount it on 1 of the u360's I have), & my Star Wars yoke requires some tlc), a monitor, motor, wheel, & controller to rotate it, a stern coin door (requires tlc), tmoulding, elwire & polyethylene trim to make lit-up tmoulding, an i-pac4, a PacLED 64, a rotary joystick interface, & 2 microsoft sidewinder dual strike controllers (for the Star Wars hack--yeah, I know, no 1 does it that way anymore). What I don't have is the time, workshop, tools, wood, paint, artwork, lexan, plexy, all the screws, glue, etc., that would b needed to go with it, or the 24" lcd monitor I wanted 4 the marquee. So what is my white elephant? I have $2500 to pay, & all my parts to contribute, & my personal dignity to sacrifice, to any1 who will build me a 'Ghost in the Machine Mark II' near-clone, the 1 change being the addition of an lcd marquee (see Randy T's project--it's amazing). Its too much to ask for. Let the screams of scorn a derision begin. My priorities should b on my son, & getting my finances in order. I should drop this entire project, & put the money into our survival. But theres my arcade cab dream. It took me 5 years just to realize that what I was after had already been done, & that the 'Ghost' was it. & if any1 will take my money & parts, & build me this thing, I will worship the ground they walk on. God, that was embarrassing to admit. I hope u guys will forgive me for what I can only call my selfishness. My only poor excuses 4 not immediately dropping this project is that I have wanted & worked (in teeny, tiny steps) on this thing for 6 years, & it will b my 1 & only big toy, & that I will share it with any1 who asks. But I really don't feel that thats enuf to justify what I'm asking 4.

Anyway, guys, there it is. I'm going to bed in a few minutes; its almost 1 here, Harrison's tube feed is done (not that that keeps me up, I can sleep while its going, I just have to get up~every 30 minutes to untangle him from the tube & give the formula a stir, not a prob 4 me, & I never have a hard time getting back to sleep), & I have another busy day tomorrow. Thanks again, 4 your advice, your money (!), your offer of the cab, whether it happens or not (& regardless of what form it comes in), & your patience with a guy who (looking back at my last paragraph) has forgotten what his 1st priorities should b. I'll b in touch, I'll honour your suggestions (although it may take me a while, there r other things I have to take care of 1st), & my guilt may yet wake me up & make me drop this project & pour the money I've been hanging onto into my son's trust fund.

Craig Munns

[SavannahLion]

Not to butt in. I haven't read all of icmgadget's post. I'm in a clifnotes mood.

I'm thinking I can set up a dedicated paypal account and then transfer the money to Cheffo at some predetermined date.  How does that sound to everybody else?

Just a heads up. I just got a notice of changes of terms with PP. The biggest having to do with arbitration and class action lawsuits. I'm mentioning this to remind people to carefully read the PP terms while signing up and, due to PP's flaky history, it might be more prudent to withdraw the funds on some regular schedule instead of all at once to minimize the amount of funds that might be "frozen" by an overzealous PP. Remember, if PP freezes the account, funds can still be deposited into it, but none can be drawn. 

I'd rather icmgadget get the money and any accrued interest in his own account that lining the pockets of some greedy  at PP.

[lcmgadgets]

I'd rather icmgadget get the money and any accrued interest in his own account that lining the pockets of some greedy  at PP.

Stupid reminder. This'll work IF u trust me. Somebody else pointed out; my story should b checked 1st. Even if u trust me, I'd like to c this subject continue to live after Harrison & I...don't need it anymore?...can get along without it?...are managing better on our own. & thats going to require confirming claims, or someday, somebody is going to take advantage of it/us (can I speak for 'us', meaning the other byoacers?) So how would I prove my story? I could send copies of the death certificate to prove she died, & a marriage certificate to prove she was my wife. But what about my claims about Harrison? Copies of doctor's letters? Seems thats overreaching a safe level of confidentiality. What if some1 had the job of back checking claims, collecting & keeping confidential papers, etc.?

Mayb, given that u guys (esp CheffoJeffo) have been so kind as to do this for H' & me, thats part of how I could pay it back, & forward. Except, again, theres a trust issue. Must b some way around it...

Craig

[Le Chuck]

Except, again, theres a trust issue. Must b some way around it...

Craig

There is.  We can just trust you.  I do and I don't think that your providing sensitive documents is in your best interest.  Cheffo already did some fact checking via the local paper and that's good enough for me.  Anybody that wasn't good enough for wasn't going to contribute anyway. 

[ChadTower]

The plan is for me to set up some form of collection mechanism (likely Paypal but we're still hemming on that), and then at some point transfer the funds to Cheffo, and he will make an in person deposit at a Bank of Montreal branch.  I have had it as an unofficial part of the plan, as well, to wait until you finish your legal process for changing your account into a true trust for Harrison. 

Not that we don't believe you but that's just the smart way to do it for all involved.  I've been super cash strapped with dependents and I know how easy it is to grab whatever cash is on hand just to get through today.  That's just the reality of life so I'd rather wait until we can put it right into the trust and help him out in the longer view.

[lcmgadgets]

Not that we don't believe you but that's just the smart way to do it for all involved.  I've been super cash strapped with dependents and I know how easy it is to grab whatever cash is on hand just to get through today.  That's just the reality of life so I'd rather wait until we can put it right into the trust and help him out in the longer view.

I absolutely agree. I would feel much more comfortable with that fund locked down --BINGO! Either that, or I was attempting to say "before" but it was too many letters to type-- contributions r made. For reasons I'll go into if people want, I have some other money in the same account that I'm going to have to sort out --BINGO! Either that, or I was attempting to say "before" but it was too many letters to type-- everything is finished. & on that note, there will b another blasted delay. I was supposed to c the lawyer yesterday (not that we would have had it done by then, but we would have at least made some progress), but his secretary called me to say that he'd injured his back, & the appointment's been postponed til next monday. I think I mentioned that Laura didn't have a will? (We had been working on it, we had had 1 last appointment to sign the papers, & we'd had to cancel 4 medical reasons--I think thats when she was scheduled to go in to get her trach, which was, at that point, way more important than anything else). We had a lump of money saved up, which can carry H' & I for quite a while, possibly even a couple of years (I want to save as much of it as I can 4 him & my retirement, though) except that its in her name, & until the lawyer finishes probating (its not a true probate, I forget the term he used, but its effectively the same thing) the will, I can't get at it. We have another smaller lump in a joint account, & I'm working on getting other sources of funding that we weren't eligible 4 --BINGO! Either that, or I was attempting to say "before" but it was too many letters to type-- but now r. & there're family members who have promised to chip in if need b, & the credit card 4 emergencies. We should have enuf to carry us across the gap, while I try to figure out our expenses. But I can't help but worry. Anyway, my point is, now thats been a little postponed too. It'll work out though, I know.

I'm rambling again. Thank u, all of u, again. That'll b at the end of my posts, I think, 4 a very long time to come. Mayb permanently. In fact, I think I'll change my sig. (the Godzilla 1 is 1 of my all time favourite, though...lol)

[CheffoJeffo]

Definitely easiest for me to do the deposit as my BMO branch is around the corner and international bank transfers can be a PITA.

I know I owe some of you replies to PMs -- sorry, in the midst of a crazy week.

Thanks for the notes and I will get back to you shortly.

[TPA5]

I'd like to donate money, I cannot imagine the suffering you are going through. If there is any way for me to get you even $20...It's not much but I cannot in good conscience let this slip by without doing something, anything to help you.

[lcmgadgets]

I'd like to donate money, I cannot imagine the suffering you are going through. If there is any way for me to get you even $20...It's not much but I cannot in good conscience let this slip by without doing something, anything to help you.

No offer of help is too small. Hey, u guys owe me nothing. If anything, I've made a pig of myself with the insane...yeah, I've got to say 'request' I've made regarding the offer of an arcade cabinet. (Check my earlier posts)

But, I won't & can't turn down any offers of help--my son is too important to me. I'm sure all the parents out there will relate.

Craig

[lcmgadgets]

Hello every1,

Just thot I'd let u know I saw the lawyer today, & we still haven't locked down the details of the trust fund yet. Still working on completing the 'certificate of appointment' (effectively probating the will, except there is no will). Will keep u all posted. Thanks again, as always.

[lilshawn]

no rush man, take your time.

don't go running yourself ragged. We are here for you when you're ready.

[lcmgadgets]

Thanks. Yeah, its easy to run yourself ragged, I'm discovering. I had no idea there was so much to do...A point to every1: Get your wills finished, & share everything EVERYTHING with your significant other--passwords, contacts, bank accounts, bills, expenses, where the keys to X are, warranties, investments, insurance policies, manuals to everything, where the chargers r for X, projects, what've I missed, I know theres tons?--if u think they don't know it, SHARE it. Or write it down & lock it up somewhere, & let them know where it all is. My wife was a specialist in death & dying, & we weren't prepared. & if u haven't gone thru this, you'd b shocked how much there is that your other knows that u don't, that would make life a helluva lot easier.

Anyway, gotta get to it. Thanks again, every1.

Craig

[lcmgadgets]

By the way, I've noticed this line in a # of my posts:

--BINGO! Either that, or I was attempting to say "before" but it was too many letters to type-- everything is finished.

I have no idea how thats getting into my posts, but  I'll swear I'm not typing it, & it doesn't mean anything. Sorry for the confusion.

[lilshawn]

  there's a swearword filter on the site...if you have it enabled then some word like "s hit" (without the space of course) will come up as "meadow muffin"

but...saint kinda has a twisted sense of humor...and there are some regular words as well as some mistyped words (like "B 4") that come up with a silly phrase like that

[steveh]

Id like to help let me know when donation method is setup and ill make a donation.  Sorry to hear about your loss.  I just hope the little we can provide helps.  and i hope someone here can make that dream cabinet for you.

[lcmgadgets]

there's a swearword filter on the site...if you have it enabled then some word like "s hit" (without the space of course) will come up as "meadow muffin"

but...saint kinda has a twisted sense of humor...and there are some regular words as well as some mistyped words (like "B 4") that come up with a silly phrase like that

That's hilarious! I'll try it: ' --BINGO! Either that, or I was attempting to say "before" but it was too many letters to type-- '. Omg, thats it! Guess I'll have to change my 'before' shorthand to 'bfore'.

[lcmgadgets]

Thanks, steveh. I'm working on getting that trust fund locked down. Seeing the lawyer again today, although I don't know if we'll get to the 'fund. I'll b sure to let every1 know as soon as its complete.

As 4 my 'dream cab', I sure appreciate the offer of any cab at all. Thats so far over the top, I can't believe it. I've been spreading the praise of u guys as far as I can. My sister was in here last nite, as a guest, reading over the posts. She was astounded, as I still am, at your incredible generosity.

I just hope I haven't made a pig of myself with my request for a specific cab, a white elephant, as Cheffo says (rightfully so). I hope my offer of cash & parts offset my greed. Anything I have left over, by the way, I intend to donate back to u guys. Perhaps any cash left over could go into a fund for the future, for any1 else on the forum who ends up in need.

[lcmgadgets]

Saw the lawyer today. After 2 delays, we've finally got all the work done to process the 'certificate of appointment' I need completed before I have access to everything, like the few bank accounts that were in Laura's name only. I'm told it'll take about 3 weeks for the government to do their end. Only then does the lawyer want to talk about the trust fund. Everyone has been very patient so far, I hope u can wait a bit longer. Then I'll submit...what? Some sort of proof, or good evidence, at least, that I've gotten it locked down in Harrison's name. I'll send it to Cheffo, I guess, as he's led the charge in getting money together for the trust fund.

Between my UI, H's disability, the baby bonus, & the money saved (outside of that sent for the trust fund, of course), we should b able to last the 3 weeks, & then I can dip into other savings Laura had sole access to before (don't want to, those were for retirement & H', but we'll do what we have to). I've already paid most of the big 1 time xpenses (the funeral, cremation, lawyers fees r pending, however, & the certificate itself has to be paid for, but I can handle it). I'd like to thing that by we'll have ACSD helping us out soon as well; I finally got the application form.

In other news, I've started homeschooling, as planned, but very slowly. Started with reading over a week ago, & added math yesterday. As before, H' balks at any attempt to get him to do school work, but actually gets pretty good results.

As usual, everyone, thanks for your support, advise, and sympathy, & I'll keep u posted

[ChadTower]

In other news, I've started homeschooling, as planned, but very slowly. Started with reading over a week ago, & added math yesterday. As before, H' balks at any attempt to get him to do school work, but actually gets pretty good results.

As usual, everyone, thanks for your support, advise, and sympathy, & I'll keep u posted

Great work.  This has to be exhausting and overwhelming.  Keep moving it forward one day at a time, my friend.  We're all pulling for you.

[lcmgadgets]

Hi everyone. Thot I'd give a quick, but rather pointless, update. Still waiting for the 'Certificate of Appointment' to arrive. After that, its back to the lawyer to lock down Harrison's trust fund. Still no word about the autopsy. A friend of mine sent me a link to a rare disorder that MIGHT explain what happened. Its a long shot, but its the best I've seen so far: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditary_angioedema

[ChadTower]

We're still here.  I'm ready to get things moving as soon as you have the trust sorted out.

Until then keep moving one step at a time.   

[DaOld Man]

I am just now reading this thread, and I must admit I skipped over parts of some of the posts.
I am very sorry for your loss. I cannot pretend to know what you are going through, although, like many on here, I can relate.
I lost my little brother Stevie last year. He was "special" in that he was retarded (I can just now say that without a little denial), and he was "crippled" since birth. By crippled I mean he could never walk on his own, he could not even sit up straight on his own until he was 6 or 7.
My mom was a single mom and raised all of us including Stevie until she passed 13 years ago.
The doctors tried to get Momma to "give up" on Stevie and have him committed, but she refused to do it. One doctor even told her when he was a baby that he would not live past 12 years.
She didnt buy into that. Stevie was 50 when he passed last year.
He was a very bright person, and his attitude was one that I wish I could hang onto for as long as he did.
He loved music and going to his "work shop" every day. He also loved going to church.
He was a very big inspiration in my life.
I miss Stevie and my Mom. But I can assure you that with time each day gets a little better, but you will never forget your loved ones.
And even though you have a long road ahead of you with your son, trust me the love you will experience will be well worth it and rest assured that your wife is there with you, in your hearts and minds.
Hang in there man, and I will be more than happy to donate some money to your son's trust fund, just let us know when the time (and method) is right.

[lilshawn]

But I can assure you that with time each day gets a little better, but you will never forget your loved ones.

hear, hear. 

[lcmgadgets]

DaOld Man, I have been dry eyed for a couple of weeks now, until today, when I read your post. I am so sorry for your loss, both of your brother & your mother. I know some people will say 13 years ago is a long time, but u know different, don't u? I'm still grieving the loss of my parents (2 & 9? 8? years ago). My wife lost her mother (very tragically, as a chaplin she could say it was the worst of the thousands of deaths she'd witnessed--& not just bcause it was HER mother) 6? years ago, & she never recovered from it (it ruined her as a chaplin). She would tell us that every1 grieves differently, at different 'speeds', & in different ways, & that no one has the wisdom or right to tell u how or for how long u should grieve.

I still have my 3 siblings. Sometimes I start imagine losing 1 (fortunately I'm the oldest--I like to hope that means I'll b the 1st to go). When that happens, I quickly distract myself. In some ways, I think that would b worse than any loss I've known yet (I'd survive that, though. But if I ever lost my son...).

In other news, I'm still waiting for the 'Certificate. A bit of bad news--the respite hours we...I mean I...am getting from (I think) CPRI (I have a hard time remember who's doing what for us) r being cut from 8 hours a week to 5, despite the case worker's efforts to get them INCREASED (decreased funding, I'm told). ASDC might help, though, with funding that I can use for respite (not that I want to get away from my son, but there r things that have to b done that I can't do with him with me--like Christmas shopping).

I'm experiencing, as I knew & was told I would, the long lonely period that comes after the funeral is over & the family, friends, & other helpers have gone back to their own busy lives. So, maybe now more than ever, thanks again, everyone, for your continued sympathy & support.

[ChadTower]

(not that I want to get away from my son, but there r things that have to b done that I can't do with him with me--like Christmas shopping).

Sometimes you just have to get away.  I've done a little bit of this.  It's not about how much you love the person.  Sometimes you just have to go do something and be you again for 3 hours.  See a movie, eat a burger, take a nap.  It's not about being selfish.  It's basic mental health.  You can't be under constant pressure 24/7/365 no matter how much you love the person you are helping.

[matt4949]

Sorry I posted in the wrong place.

[linda john]

I love how this is taking off.

[Taekwonjudo]

Sorry I've been out of the scene for a while, but I'd like to help where I can as well. I can offer artwork if it helps (would like to offer cash but we just aren't in a position to financially afford it right now ) If it helps, send me a PM & I'll do what I can.

[lcmgadgets]

Hi everyone.

First, happy holidays.

I have some news. First, at long last, I have the Certificate of Appointment. Hopefully, I'll b able to get to the bank tomorrow & begin the process of locking down Harrison's trust fund. I have to talk to my financial planner, too. Laura & I had been putting money into an RDSP, which, unless the 'planner tells me otherwise, is the best first option, so I plan to max that out. Any remainder will probably go into a Henson trust fund, which I'll have to get back in touch with the lawyer to work out. This was something Laura & I'd been working on, with the help of the lawyer, before everything...went to hell. The lawyer himself was still figuring out exactly how it worked last time we talked. So it'll b a bit yet, but I'm over the next hurdle.

The autopsy. For those who haven't been following the 'I never thot I'd b posting anything like this...' thread, I'll tell u what I posted there. The ENT specialist who'd been working with Laura, & who begged me to allow an autopsy to b done, got back to me a few days ago. The autopsy showed...nothing. No lymphoma (which we already knew). No allergic reaction (which they'd been looking for already for some time). No infection. No sign of a blood clot in the lungs, or heart trouble (that was what the ENT doctor thot it'd turn out to b). No HAE (a long shot--hereditary angio edema).  & no sign of swelling in the throat (which I'll STILL say was what happened, despite the surgery & the steroids), including no sign of trauma to the throat caused by them tubulating her when she got to the hospital--another sign that there was no swelling. I'm continuing to look for other possibilities, not so much because I want to know as I'm worried about the possibility that it could have been something hereditary, & that Harrison might be at risk. But odds are we will probably never know.

And so. Life goes on. I'll post as soon as I can about further developments--especially regarding the trust fund. Thank you again, everyone, &, Happy New Year.

Craig

[ChadTower]

Thanks for the update.  We're all holding out hope for you that you'll find some answers.  Keep us updated on the trust fund situation.

[lcmgadgets]

Hi again everyone.

I got to see my financial planner 2 days ago, & maxxed out Harrison's RDSP contribution for this year ($2000). In Febuary I find out how much I can contribute for this year (& will do so--it has the best return of anything Laura & I could find; the government matches every dollar contributed (to a limit)), & I also see the lawyer to work out the details for the Henson Trust Fund that Laura & I had begun. So I've started the trust fund at last. If someone had told me in October that it was going to take this long to get things rolling, I wouldn't have believed them. But I'm finally getting the money moving.

[ChadTower]

Is the trust fund ready for us?