Main > Everything Else

What is wrong with my brother???

(1/6) > >>

newman117:
Seriously... what is wrong with him? He's obsessed with collecting DVD movies and bluray movies, he spends all of his money on movies and food, he's 19 and dropped out of college, he only talks about movies, he spends everyday in his room watching movies, if I ask him a favor like "Hey can you drive me here or take me here?" he replies with the most nastiest attitude you can ever imagine, he has never kissed a girl (tough i know), hasn't gotten a haircut since last year, he dropped some weight but got fat again, doesn't care about anyone else except him, he's isolated from society, doesn't talk anymore with his friends, doesn't care for anyone except him, he buys a big bag of chips and a 2 liter of coca cola and locks himself up in his room.

A month ago some of his friends came up to me and said: "Hey your brother... is he okay? He's kinda crazy"

I feel bad for the guy... he being my brother and all what can I do to show him there is more to life than movies? He doesn't like video games...

SavannahLion:
Nothing.

Seriously. There's nothing you can do. If you're enabling him, then stop it. He doesn't need it.

If you try to help him or "guide" him, you risk making the situation worse. If you enable him, you're guaranteed to make the situation worse.

He sounds quite a bit like my uncle, except he has kissed a girl... way back in High School. He's always been that way, but it became obvious after the death of his parents. His parents enabled him, so he never learned how to deal with that kind of behavior properly.

I have a brother who did something similar. It took him about 20 years to figure it out and get his life back on track.

My parents were/are enablers so I have to keep that in mind when dealing with my surviving parent. I imagine if my parents kicked me out of the house when I turned 18, like they were supposed to, my professional life would be radically different today. (I'm rather satisfied with my personal life as it is.)

In a nut shell, the only thing you can do is wait until he actually desires to help himself. Once he gains that desire he'll be far more receptive to any help you or anyone else is able to give him.

I know it's probably not the answer you want to hear.

vorghagen:
Savannah is spot on about the enabling but I wouldn't agree 100% with his next piece of advice.

Trying to help him too much does run the risk of making it worse but don't give up either. Just casually invite him along if you're going out with friends or grabbing some dinner. When he says no (which by the sounds of it, he will), don't push it, don't insist, don't try to convince him, but keep the invitation open. If he doesn't feel pressured into going he may eventually take you up on the invitation and join you.

Telling him he should be going out more. - NO
Insisting he come out after he says no. - NO
Telling him how much better it is when he DOES come out - NO
Let him realise it himself - YES           <-- this will take time

Best of luck.

SavannahLion:

--- Quote from: vorghagen on October 24, 2010, 09:17:54 pm ---Savannah is spot on about the enabling but I wouldn't agree 100% with his next piece of advice.

--- End quote ---

You're probably referring to this comment:

--- Quote from: SavannahLion on October 24, 2010, 05:54:55 pm ---If you try to help him or "guide" him, you risk making the situation worse.
<snip>
Once he gains that desire he'll be far more receptive to any help you or anyone else is able to give him.

--- End quote ---

I was thinking along the lines of those crazy "interventions" you see so often on T.V. IMHO, those interventions are scary risky. I don't believe for a minute that the volume of successful intervention seen on T.V. is actually a reflection of their true success rate.

So yeah, vorghagen raises a really good point.

shateredsoul:
I have a friend like that. He plays video games all the time, didn't finish his BA (he had 2 more classes to go).  But it seems like there was a switch that went off.. in him.  His situation was a little different though, something seemed to have happened to him where he lost his motivation. He can even go finish his degree at a community college, I took him to see a counselor at our old college my self. I don't live back home anymore, so it's frustrating to go call him up or follow up and find out that he hasn't done anything. He's back at home now, working 2 jobs one at a shoe store and one working as a waiter. There's nothing wrong with that.. but if he had his BA he might be able to get paid a little more or get a better job. He just spends his time playing videogames, reading manga, and collecting action figures. 

It seems like when people hit some point or get depressed they find something to cling on, then they get stuck in a cycle where this hobbie is a way to not reflect on their life anymore. Our group of friends are between 27-28 and some of us are in PhD programs, many have pretty good paying jobs, and some of us are starting to form families (he too hasn't dated anyone.. kissed but that's it).

One of my friends said that he's done pushing him, when he shows the effort to help himself he'll be there to help. He's at least willing to go out. And when I took him to see a counselor at our old university he was relieved to find out that he could finish the courses at a community college (he was worried that he wouldn't be able to finish his degree). But I dunno man.. I can imagine it must be really hard with it being your brother. I'm in a situation where I feel pretty bad because I feel I can't help someone who was my best friend growing up. If your parents are supporting him financially, maybe it's time you talk to them? I would still keep an eye on him, I've heard of this type of thing leading to homelessness.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version