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Problem neighbours!
Dartful Dodger:
Jimmy, it's obvious Randy has issues(real or imaginary), you on the other hand have a good relationship with your neighbors and for whatever reason her comments aren't sitting well with you. It sounds like she was making small talk and had actual concerns for your health.
A guy near me in the office has head phones on and I can hear the music he's playing. It's an open office and there's a lot of chatter and noises so I've just learned to ignore all of it. This guy is new and he's using his head phones to drowned out the background noise. I told him our job wasn't worth going deaf over. He jumped to the same conclusion as you and Randy came to, so he just turned his music up more. It's all background noise to me so I don't care about music, but up until the time he wanted to prove that I'm not his boss I did care about his hearing.
If you still want to show her who's the boss, loud music is a nuisance and she could call the police on you, but as far as the paint fumes go, give yourself bronchitis, that'll teach her a lesson about minding her own business.
jimmy2x2x:
Thanks for your comments, Let me try and explain it a little more clearly
If I plant a new shrub, there wouldn't be any kind of comment
If I sit outside silently on my laptop, there wouldn't be any kind of comment
Same for sunbathing, reading a book, writing a letter, or any other silent activity. No comments at all.
As soon as I can be detected doing ANYTHING the leading conversation starts, moving onto an itemised list of things that have been detected, paint smell, radio etc...
This isn't small talk, as they would make comments about all the other things, these are veiled complaints.
I have been talking to a neighbour on the other side of the problem neighbours, she has lodgers in her house and was telling me a similar story - An Italian guy is stopping with her at the moment and he has had a few friends around for 2 days before they all go on holiday together. Problem neighbour started off with a nice conversation about the Italian guy, then moved onto: Yes, we noticed them all out in the garden the other night, how many of them are staying with you? Are you allowed that many in your house? How long are they staying? No direct complaints, but a list of things that have been detected, the lady had the same feeling as me, complaining without actually being direct about it.
This neighbour also brought up a very good point, she has noticed how loud this woman is. She seems to have a policy of shouting rather than walking, which means we are all treated to her voice for a good 12 hours a day. I have never really paid any attention to it, but she told me that if the problem neighbour mentions anything to her again in a negative light, she will point out what kind of neighbours they are, asking them to pay close attention to all the noise they create on a daily basis.
So I made of point of talking a little louder than normal about this issue with my brother, we went out into my garden and we went into our prepared conversation about my project, what time I work on it etc then moving onto the issue with the Italian guy. I know full well the problem neighbours heard all of this conversation, and hopefully they are getting some perspective on the situation.
I will continue to work outside for a couple of hours in the early afternoon, as I have been doing. One more comment about any of this and I will down tools and tell them in no uncertain terms that this is being done. The more interruptions and distractions I suffer will result in the job taking longer and work probably needing to be redone (showing them the flaking paint on my coin door surround as a result of them complaining and me rushing the job)
RandyT:
Based on Dartful's comments, people who are passive aggressive in this way may not even be fully aware that they are doing it. At least not to the extent they do.
Sounds like you know the neighbor and her motives quite well, and if you aren't the only one who has noticed, then it's probably not just you. If she's an otherwise nice lady, maybe just bringing it to her attention will be enough to prompt a little introspection on her part, and you can go on living harmoniously next to each other. Being a good neighbor has to work in both directions. If she's making you feel uncomfortable in your own space, and doing it intentionally with no real right to, then she isn't playing by the rules. Better not to associate with her further and live your life under your terms, than to give her the feeling that she has some right to comment on, or worse...control, what you do in your own space.
Fortunately, I now have a decent neighbor who I enjoy interacting with and helping with new (to him) issues experienced by first time homeowners. I don't think twice about letting him borrow tools (and I have a lot of tools) or helping him on a project when he asks. Good neighbors find ways to co-exist, not ways to control the other when they see things they don't like. And if the only time she comments is when you make a little noise or paint, then that's what she's doing (whether she, or Dartful, realize it themselves.)
Good luck with your situation.
RayB:
I find it really odd that "I was listening to that [radio]" is a complaint... well ok, it sounds like one, but a good reaction would have been something along the lines of "oh sorry, I'll put it back on", and then put it on louder, you know so she can hear it better.
I'd love to know how she would react in that situation, given that she set herself up for it.
eds1275:
I am lucky, my neighbors now are great. As soon as I moved in I introduced myself, I said if there's ever anything going on just let me know so there's no hidden issues. Immediately they told me about their hate for my dead tree, which was fine it was an eyesore. We chat all the time, and if there's an issue, it's out in the open. Doesn't happen very often, but when it does we discuss it and a resolution is found and even if it doesn't get dealt with right away I know what is going on and I put it in my plans.
If you want to keep a good relationship going just tell them that if they have an issue it does more good to tell you outright because you can hear them complaining anyway.
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